April. My 2nd favorite month, next to December :) Why? For the very obvious reason that it is my birthday month. I believe in celebration of life and as much as possible, I see to it that I share it with the most important people in my life, family and friends whether I'm here in Singapore or in Manila. But how could I say happy birthday to myself if I'm not happy... if my mind is occupied by worries and doubts. I have never been so afraid in my life than today. I fear that I might not win in this battle of uncertainties, that I might end up disappointing the people who mean a lot to me. I don't want them to worry about me, I don't want them to feel this agony that I'm going through. But I know, sooner or later, they will know because they ought to know.
For some, they might think that I'm over reacting but they don't know what are at stake... what are at risk. I'm trying to be strong because that's the only thing I have left, to remain strong and search for the answers with clear thoughts.
This coming Saturday, I'll be celebrating my 33rd birthday with my family and friends and I have to do the hardest task I could ever imagine doing: to pretend that everything is fine but behind the smile and laughter are tears of sadness, confusion and doubts.
I'll just break the news a day after but for the meantime, I'll be the Candy that I am known for ;)
But despite of all these, I am still thankful and grateful to the Lord God for giving me the guidance that I need thru the people who have been helping me, may God bless you all.
