What I Am and What I'm Not

An excerpt from the book, He's Just Not That Into You

I hate talking about my feelings. I hate talking about my "relationship". I know I'm a chick and chicks are supposed to be all emotional, but I'm not. I don't like it one a bit. I particularly don't want asking a guy where the relationship is going or how he feels about me. Ew. It should be natural and easy and obvious.

So I guess if I have to start thinking and planning and devising all sorts of ways to find out what kind of situation I'm in, I'm probably not in that good a situation. Shit.

But wait. Starting a new relationship is terrifying. We are all old enough to have experienced or witnessed the triage of broken romance. We know that if there has been a beginning to a relationship, there has been, if we are still out there dating, always an end to the relationship. And the endings always suck.

So of course, people, women included, will create all sorts of tricks and diversions and distractions to try to not notice that we might in fact be getting into a relationship. That just seems like a very crafty and understandable aspect to human nature. So what if in the beginning or a while into it, it's a little vague? Who wants to be that crazy girl who needs to know exactly what is going on the minute she meets the guy? You want to be the cool girl --- the girl who knows how to hang out and not be all demanding. That's who I always wanted to be. That's who I always was.

The thing about that cool girl is that she still gets her feelings hurt. She still has reactions to how she's being treated. She still hopes he'll call, wonders when she'll get to see him again, and if he's excited about being with her. I hate that.

Maybe this is just me, because my priorities have changed as I've gotten older. But now I don't want to be "sort of dating" someone. I don't want to be "kinda hanging out" with someone. I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. I want to be sleeping with someone I know I'll see again because they've already demonstrated to me that they're trusthworthy and honorable --- and into me. Sure, in the beginning you have to be somewhat cautious about how much you give away. But that caution shouldn't be to make them feel more comfortable; it should be because you know that you are ultimately a delicate, valuable creature who should be careful and discerning about who gets your affection. That's what I'm doing now. And it's not going so badly.

- Liz Tuccillo

A Roller Coaster Day

My day started so good with a chit chat from a friend living on the other side of the world. It was short yet lighthearted, the kind of conversation I always wish I could have everyday. Until a frustrating news hit my desk in the office and my mind just went blank the whole morning at work. Good thing though, tears, friends and chocolates were invented that I was able to burst out my disappointments with their help. I seldom complain, no, it's not my cup of tea. I seldom, or should I say, I never invite negativity in my system. As much as possible, I want to smile, I want to make people laugh, I want to joke around, I want nothing but a happy life. But a lot of things had happened in the past weeks that frustration has already taken its toll on me.

The day was so frustrating that I even ate a whole bar of Snickers in just 2 minutes. Which, by the way, I have promised not to do until the end of next month: to eat any forms of sweets :D but I just did!

Next, a plate of chinese noodles for dinner. NO! NO! NO! NO carbs during dinner!!!! but yes, I just had! whew!

Good thing though, the day wasn't bad after all. My fave basketball team just won in their series, 3-1. Just one more win and they will move to the finals.

But kidding aside, I know this, too shall pass. I'm still sad, confused and disappointed.... yes, I am! But I know for sure, there are more wonderful things out there that are worth smiling for. Maybe it's not yet the perfect time to get the things I wanted and definitely, God has better plans for me and for the people I most care about.

Goodnight.

“My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual”
- Phyllis Diller

Now Reading....

Books Galore

I just finished reading Like The Flowing River by my latest favorite author, Paulo Coelho. Which one to read next? I bought 2 books 3 weeks ago and another 1 this afternoon:

1. The Alchemist (by Paulo Coelho)

This is the magical story of Santiago, a shepherd boy who dreams of travelling the world to seek the most wonderful treasures known to man. From his home in Spain, he journeys to the markets of Tangiers and, from there, into the Egyptian desert, where a fateful encounter with the alchemist awaits him.

2. Eat, Pray, Love (by Elizabeth Gilbert)

One woman's search for everything across Italy, India and Indonesia.

3. He's Just Not That Into You (by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo)

This book educates smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn't like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship. He's just not that into you if he's:

• not asking you out;
• too busy to pick up the phone;
• doesn't like the words "relationship" or "boyfriend"
  

Like the Flowing River

If you are a type of person:


1. who loves to read;

2. who, in one way or another, has touched someone else's life;

3. which life has been touched by people you hardly know;

4. that believes in practicality in life.

I highly recommend this book :)

My fave quotes from this book will be posted soon.

Pending

I still have more or less 10 pending entries for this blog that are all locked up in my drafts folder. The oldest will turn a year old this August. All I need is time.....

Everytime

by Janet Jackson


I'm afraid I'm starting to feel
What I said I would not do
The last time really hurt me

I'm scared to fall in love
Afraid to love so fast
'Coz everytime I fall in love
It seems to never last

.........
.........
'Coz every time I see your face
My heart does begin to race everytime...

One half wants me to go
Other half wants me to stay
I just get so all confused

I'm scared to fall in love
Afraid to love so fast
'Coz every time I fall in love
It seems to never last

At Long Last.....

After 2 years and 7 months of not even touching a paddle.... I never thought I could still show this move that I used to have.....

July 22, 2010

Burberry Watch

saving some pennies for this timepiece :)